A total eclipse of the heart

Oh my beloved blog friends, forgive me for my hiatus. But that’s what happens. Life grabs you by the tail, swings you around, and pretty soon you’ve wasted weeks cyber-window-shopping and reading facebook status updates without contributing squat to the world (or more specifically to the virtual technological community we call “internet), or without saying anything even remotely profound, or at least, that’s what happened to me…

But I’m back now, and I’ve got plenty to say. We won’t look too far back into the past, since it’s clearly gone, but we’ll start with last Sunday, because it is the first day of the week thanks to good ol’ Julius Caesar.

Sunday was the solar eclipse. If you want to get into the deep astrological implications of it, check this out: http://darkstarastrology.com/solar-eclipse-may-2012/#.T77fZBwoIc8. 

Did you see it? I didn’t get to see it, I was putting my kiddos to bed while it was happening, while trying to listen to a teleconference eclipse meditation offered by the wonderful Miss Shiva Rea. So I got the vibe. In Venice Beach, CA, where the meditation was held, literally on the beach, there was a fog over the water, so they were able to view the eclipse with relatively naked eyes. I felt the transmission through the meditation, which I finished after both of my boys were beautifully asleep.

So what’s the big deal? Sunday was an especially good day to start something new. (not that today is too late!) So I did. I started something new. I started a bhakti sadhana. A what? A bhakti (devotional) sadhana (practice). It’s a yoga thing. It’s a 30ish day climb from new moon to waxing full moon to waning new moon. It’s a commitment, made for the purest reasons, to get closer to your “Self” and understand your “self” a little better. Bhakti is the art of easing the line between Self and self, lover and lovee, divine and human, etc. etc. etc. It’s like hopping on a love train; you don’t know exactly where you’re going, but it feels so good to let the wind blow through the open window and mess up the hair of your heart and let go of all that crap weighing you down. It’s a lot of om-ing, sing-ing, chant-ing, smiling, hugging, breathing, gratitude, love, receptivity, and generosity.

We had a little yoga pow wow on Saturday May 19, where I led a great group of willing yogis through the initiation into bhakti sadhana. So I had to be the proof in the pudding, or however that saying goes, because I encouraged all of them to begin on May 20th, and so I began. It’s a slow process, detoxifying all the limits on love. And I hear the Divine saying to me “why do you look for me, when I am all around you?” And I’m thinking about the ways in which we put the divine in a cage, like a lion, and decide that the only place we can find it is THERE (church, music, poetry, yoga, you name it). The lion wants to come out, and I’m letting it out. I want to see the divine in everything, and quite honestly, especially myself. Because if I can see the divine in me, I can see it in the ones who I struggle with. I want to see the divine especially in the moments I’d rather not be in, I’d rather not be responsible for, I’d rather not witness. Because the divine is there just as much as anywhere else. So my commitment is to remember the divine, to lose my mind and perceive my heart, for the next 25 days. (today is Thursday, so I’m 5 days in).

I’ve been thinking about that eclipse. There was a photo I saw, where the moon is hanging brazenly in front of the sun. There is just a ring of the sun’s fire, and these amazing triangular rays expanding out from the edges of that union. And at first I thought, how brave of the moon. I was relating the moon to the feminine energy of the universe, and how difficult and scary it might feel to dance with the very essence of fire itself, to stand between it, and it’s greatest purpose (earth). And I was relating that to how I feel sometimes as a woman, as a wife, as a mother to sons. And then it occurred to me, that sweet brave moon had no choice. This eclipse, this one, on May 20, 2012, was decided for her. She knew it at least 27,000 years ago. She’s had time to prepare, sure, but it’s not like she could just skip out that day of hanging in the sky. It was fate. It was destined. It was will. It was dharma. And then I got even more insight about my life. It was like the moon, hanging there in front of the sun, lifted her hands and shrugged her shoulders and said “whaddya gonna do?” You’re going to go with it Heather, and you’re going to love every minute of it, because THIS is your life, and THIS is your destiny, so just let  me (the divine speaking here) take you where you’re going. Trust me.

Ok. I’ll try.

…how about you? Om. Amen. Hallelujah.

And just in case you wanted a good ol’ 90’s tune soundtrack to this blog post, click on this…

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xhfmg_bonnie-tyler-total-eclipse-of-the-h_news

And here’s the lyrics too, ’cause they’re sweet!

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART (Bonnie Tyler )

Turnaround, every now and then I get a 
little bit lonely and you’re never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I’m lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I’ve got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight 
And I need you more than ever
And if you’ll only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I’m only falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know 
you’ll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you’ll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there’s no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there’s nothing any better and there’s nothing I just wouldn’t do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you’ll only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love 
But now I’m only falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

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2 Replies to “A total eclipse of the heart”

  1. Hey Durgamama, I love you! Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart. You always inspire me, when I see you in Venice, when I see you in cyberpace, and when you enter my thoughts. Love to you friend! Marcy

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